The One with the Negativeness

I won't lie.  

The last few days have been tough.

I am constantly doubting the success of this cycle.  I am already planning ahead for when we can do this again. I am a complete basket case of emotions (Hubs and I got into a fight the other day about parking and frozen yogurt.  Yes, I am probably losing my mind).  And we still have several days before the beta.  If I make it with my sanity intact, it's going to be a freakin miracle!

IVF is a complete mind fuck.  You do these unbelievable things to your body to prepare it to shoot out eggs like a flippin hen.  You cross your fingers that somehow the strong swimmers decide to play Parcheesi* with said eggs.  You entrust your future children to someone in a lab for the first few days of their lives.  You have more fun stuff shoved up your hoo-hah to put those babies back in your body where you pray like crazy they will stick to your hopefully thick lining. And then you wait.  And you wait some more.  All the while you take awesome drugs that give you every pregnancy symptom known to man.  Because it's hard enough to convince yourself not to get your hopes up without cramps, fatigue, bloating, and sore boobs.  Mind fuck.

And to top that all off, I opened the coupons on Sunday and found this...

Because my urge to pee on a stick wasn't already driving me over the edge.  Now you want to entice me with your money saving endeavors, ClearBlue Easy.

Then I went to Target today...

And found my embryos in the dollar section.

Anywho, I'm nuts.  My hormones are in overdrive.  And I almost burst into tears at the zoo because the not-a-day-over-21-years-old chick near the bears had two kids calling her mommy.

Hoping for more a more positive post tomorrow.

*The Parcheesi reference is a shout out to a certain cousin of mine who used to claim she was playing this particular game with the neighbor on all those late night booty call visits when we were in college.