The One with the Negativeness

I won't lie.  

The last few days have been tough.

I am constantly doubting the success of this cycle.  I am already planning ahead for when we can do this again. I am a complete basket case of emotions (Hubs and I got into a fight the other day about parking and frozen yogurt.  Yes, I am probably losing my mind).  And we still have several days before the beta.  If I make it with my sanity intact, it's going to be a freakin miracle!

IVF is a complete mind fuck.  You do these unbelievable things to your body to prepare it to shoot out eggs like a flippin hen.  You cross your fingers that somehow the strong swimmers decide to play Parcheesi* with said eggs.  You entrust your future children to someone in a lab for the first few days of their lives.  You have more fun stuff shoved up your hoo-hah to put those babies back in your body where you pray like crazy they will stick to your hopefully thick lining. And then you wait.  And you wait some more.  All the while you take awesome drugs that give you every pregnancy symptom known to man.  Because it's hard enough to convince yourself not to get your hopes up without cramps, fatigue, bloating, and sore boobs.  Mind fuck.

And to top that all off, I opened the coupons on Sunday and found this...

Because my urge to pee on a stick wasn't already driving me over the edge.  Now you want to entice me with your money saving endeavors, ClearBlue Easy.

Then I went to Target today...

And found my embryos in the dollar section.

Anywho, I'm nuts.  My hormones are in overdrive.  And I almost burst into tears at the zoo because the not-a-day-over-21-years-old chick near the bears had two kids calling her mommy.

Hoping for more a more positive post tomorrow.

*The Parcheesi reference is a shout out to a certain cousin of mine who used to claim she was playing this particular game with the neighbor on all those late night booty call visits when we were in college.

The One with Thing 1 and Thing 2

I am officially PUPO - Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!

Hubs decided to take the day out of work and come for the transfer, so we headed out this morning.  I had to go in with a full bladder to allow them to get the best ultrasound picture of my uterus.  Man, was I uncomfortable!  We sat in the waiting room for a little while and I was having trouble sitting still because I had to pee so badly.  The nurse finally came out to get us and told me I could go and pee a little if it would make me feel better.  Uh, you don't have to tell me twice!

I got undressed from the waist down and got up on the comfy table.  Dr. Bow Tie was the one doing the retrievals and transfers today, so Hubs finally got to meet him.  Hubs had a bunch of questions for him, one of which being about mixing up embryos and making sure we were getting our babies and not someone else's!  Dr. Bow Tie talked to us about what would happen during the transfer and also talked about the decision to transfer one or two embryos.  He said one of the worst parts of his job is causing multiples because of the risks involved.  Twins are the "least" risky in the world of multiples, but still pose significantly more risks than a singleton birth.  That being said, he told us that we obviously have a greater chance of getting pregnant if we transfer two embryos.

Hubs and I had talked about whether to transfer one or two over the last couple of days.  He is worried about the risks, costs, and complications that can come with twins.  I have those same feelings, but was leaning toward transferring two embies because of the increased chance of pregnancy.  I think Dr. Bow Tie helped make the decision for us when he said that, of the embryos that we did not transfer, none of them may make it to freeze.  He wasn't speaking about our case specifically, but rather referring to the strict criteria for choosing which embryos to freeze.  They will only freeze embryos that are pretty close to perfect to increase the chance of them surviving the thaw later.  When Hubs and I heard this and thought about the reality of having to go through this whole process from the beginning again, we both knew we wanted to transfer two embies.

So, Thing 1 and Thing 2 (as they will be referred to from here on out) were officially transferred into my uterus this morning.

Here's to hoping our little ones don't end up with blue hair!

The embryologist picked the two best embies, each of which were 8-cells at this point (the perfect number according the Dr. Bow Tie).  Using the abdominal ultrasound picture as a guide (which jammed on my bladder perfectly!), Dr. Bow Tie inserted a small catheter that was loaded with Thing 1 and Thing 2 through my cervix and into my uterus.  He told us we may see a small "flash" on the screen when the embies were transferred.  I absolutely saw that flash and two little perfect dots on the screen.  It was one of the most amazing things to witness.

I had to rest for 15 minutes before they would let me go home (after having one of the most amazing peeing experiences of my life, of course!) and Hubs and I just sat in the room and marveled at the fact that I was now PUPO.  The embryologist gave us a little plastic disk that was the top of the dish our two embies were in before they were placed in the catheter.  Something else to add to our memory box!

There's me all freshly PUPO and holding the top of our embryos' former home.

I have to call the lab on Thursday to find out if any of our embryos made it to freeze.  Today, I am resting on the couch, enjoying spending some time with Hubs and hoping to make Thing 1 and Thing 2 comfortable enough that they will want to hang out for 9 months.

We greatly appreciate everyone's thoughts, prayers, cards, texts, emails, flowers, treats, meals, and good wishes.  We are so lucky to have amazing family and friends and could not be more grateful for the support during this time.

I will be posting during the 2ww (two week wait) about thoughts/feelings/random things.  I already have a date for my beta blood test that will determine if I am pregnant or not.  We will be keeping the news, good or bad, to ourselves for a while after we get it.  I'm sure we will need time to process everything.

For now, I leave you with yet another "Friends" clip.  My best friend offered to sing this to Thing 1 and Thing 2.  They are already quite loved.