I do plan on doing weekly pregnancy updates on here, but I promise this won't become an all pregnancy blog. It's certainly a huge part of my life right now that I want to write about and remember how I am feeling, but I'll still be blabbing on about Max and food and other boring stuff only I care about, as per usual.
So way back on Friday, August 31st, I went in for my beta blood test bright and early. The nurse got me on the first stick and I came home to wait. And wait. And wait. I cleaned and organized and baked and spent time on the computer. None of that worked to distract me. Every time my phone rang I held my breath. Finally, around 1:30 that afternoon, I saw the familiar number of the center on my phone. My fantastic nurse who had been making most of my follow-up phone calls told me that my beta had come back at 89. When I released the breath that I had been holding, she congratulated me on being pregnant (!) and went over a few do's and don't's. I scheduled my next beta for Monday (Labor Day) and burst into tears when I hung up. Every nerve in my body was tingling and I was in complete shock. Hubs and I had agreed that I wouldn't call him at work no matter what the news was because he had to work for the rest of the day regardless. It was so hard not calling him, and I started to dial a few times, but I thought about how badly I wanted to see his face in person when I told him. So, I made a few phone calls to my mom and best friends and then dashed out of the house to pick up a few things.
I headed to Target because I needed to see the positive pregnancy test result myself. I bought a bunch of different kinds and also picked up an adorable baby bib to give to Hubs when he got home.
Very appropriate, yes?
I came home, peed on about a million sticks, and cried happy tears for a good portion of the afternoon.
There was such a huge part of me that never thought I'd see that word.
I got a few texts from Hubs throughout the day and I just kept telling him I hadn't heard anything yet. He texted me when he was on his way home and I got Max all ready to go. I put his big brother in training sign on him when I saw Hubs pull his truck into the driveway. He looked so nervous when he came into the house that he didn't even see Max's sign! I think he was expecting to find me in the fetal position crying in bed. Once he saw my face, his immediately lit up and he knew I had good news. I told him to check out the dog and he was so excited about the sign! It really was an amazing thing to see his face and I am so happy I waited until he came home to tell him.
No body asked me about this whole big brother thing!
I gave him a bag with the bib and pregnancy test in it and also baked us special brownies.
Use your imagination. It says "We are pregnant."
We went out to dinner to cautiously celebrate. Here's the thing about infertility. It totally effs with your head. A "normal" person would be able to enjoy her dinner out with her husband and be excited about the fact that she was pregnant. I certainly had the excitement, but the anxiety was far greater. We had gotten one positive beta. The real test would be on Monday to see if the numbers increased appropriately.
Monday came around and Hubs and I went in for another blood draw. I got a call back later that morning and the nurse told me my beta was at 315. We were ecstatic! The rise in the number was great and I scheduled a third beta for September 10th. I remember starting to feel more optimistic, but I was also still filled with this awful feeling of dread that something was going to go wrong.
In between betas 2 and 3, I started school. It was so hard to know about this news without being able to share it with anyone there. Several of the teachers at school were so fantastic during the summer while I was going through IVF and I felt like I was keeping this giant secret from them. I spent the whole first week of school in a daze of sorts and just kept thinking about the third and final beta the following week.
The third beta draw came back at 6,109. That number completely floored me. I got the call at work and was so overwhelmed that I cried in my classroom for a little bit. I mean, I was really pregnant. At this point, we still had no idea whether I was carrying one or two babies and I scheduled my first ultrasound for September 24th. We would find out how many embryos implanted at this appointment.
Hubs took the day out of work and met me over at the center. We were both nervous wrecks. I had heard stories of women who had great betas and then the ultrasounds revealed empty sacs. We were seen right away and Dr. Bow Tie got right down to business. The vag cam greeted me with her usual condomed-self and right away we could see one little bean on the screen inside the sac. It was truly the most amazing sight. We were able to see the heartbeat flickering away and I was in total awe of what I was growing inside of me.
Little Bean's first picture. 7w3d pregnant.
Dr. Bow Tie answered our questions and officially released me to make my first appointment with my OB/Gyn. He said he hoped the next time he saw me was at the hospital when I delivered the baby.
In the time from one appointment to the next, I continued taking home pregnancy tests just to see the word pregnant or the two lines. Yes, it's pretty pathetic, but it was comforting to me.
The proof. And there were many others the met my pee throughout the months of September and October.
I had my first OB appointment on October 2nd. Hubs was also able to come to this appointment and Dr. S went over some basic stuff with us. I had to have some more lab work done which required several needle sticks (and just when I thought I was done with that!). I talked to Dr. S about my worries during the first trimester and he said I could come in for weekly ultrasounds if that made me feel more comfortable. Uh, hell yes I will come in every week.
So, that's what I've been doing. Going in once a week for a routine ultrasound with Dr. S and it has been absolutely amazing to see the growth in just a few weeks time.
Ultrasound picture from October 16, 2012. 10w4d pregnant.
Ultrasound picture from October 25, 2012. 11w6d pregnant. Little Bean was dancing up a storm at this appointment, using my uterus as a trampoline!
I went in yesterday morning for my weekly appointment and Dr. S told me we would try the fetal doppler to see if we could hear a heartbeat. A friend let me borrow her doppler to use at home and I hadn't been able to pick up a heartbeat yet, but I was really hoping he would be able to get it. Sure enough, after some poking and moving around on my belly, the unbelievable sound of galloping horses entered the office. It was the most beautiful sound in the world.
This morning, I was able to find it on my own at home so Hubs could hear it. Seeing his face when he heard it made it even better.
Other than the fatigue and need to keep something in my stomach at all times, I have been feeling really good. I haven't actually thrown up at all (although there were days sitting in my classroom when I thought I might!) and I am hoping the worst of the morning sickness is over.
It has been amazing to share our news with family and friends and saying the words "I am pregnant" has been such a special thing for me. Both Hubs and I feel incredibly blessed that we were able to conceive a baby with our first IVF. We realize how rare that is and how lucky we are to be experiencing this miracle.
I am beginning to get to the point where the excitement is becoming greater than the anxiety. It definitely comes in waves, but I am trying to just keep telling myself that everything looks good and that we are going to have a take-home baby in 27ish weeks.
Thank you to everyone who has left comments along the way. I hated being away from blogging for so long, but I knew if I started typing I would blab about the pregnancy and we just didn't feel confident enough to share it on here when there are
so many a few people we know in real life who read it. Hubs and I truly appreciate your continued prayers and support.
Stay tuned for more updates and bump pictures.